Open PSA to all regarding the loss of a child and your behavior

I have had the unfortunate misfortune to lose a few babies to miscarriage and stillbirth. It sucks, but it makes me expressly qualified to write this. You see I am not the only one who has suffered this inconceivable loss. It seems like things go in waves, and right now the wave of multiple people I know losing their kid before knowing them seems to be high - a fact that makes my heart ache. My prayer would be that no mom - or dad for that fact - would ever experience the heart wrenching pain that drains the parent of all energy and lead to a crisis of faith. That being said, it is a reality of our broken humanity. My hope is that through this post, I can give some insights on HOW one should behave toward these parents - what is acceptable to do and what is not. I have broken up this post into GREEN light, YELLOW light, and RED light actions. Please consider what I have to say - I speak from experience.

GREEN LIGHT (You can say or do these things without risking offending the grieving parents)

-- GIVE THEM SPACE!!!! This seems counter-intuitive. When an adult dies we rally around the grieving family, hug, and tell stories about the person who has passed. But when a parent loses a child so young there are no stories to be told. This unexpected loss leaves everyone asking "WHY?" "WHAT?" "WHERE?" Why did this happen? What exactly happened? Where do we go from here? All these questions have limited to no answered. The parents need time to process this in their own way. This processing can't be done when everyone is calling, texting, trying to get a hold and by extension smother them. The mom and dad of the lost infant need time to spend with each other and grieve before they can face the world and grieve with extended family members. That is not to say they don't love their extended family, but the moment the vow of two becoming one flesh in marriage, the parents of the these new (grieving) parents and siblings become EXTENDED family, not immediate family. A new family is created in marriage, and while this is generally celebrated, when a child is lost, this is the first thing that is forgotten. Even if you are the mom, sister, grandmother, you are not entitled to the inner circle. Get over yourself - they are in more pain than you are. They will reach out when they are ready. Especially if they request time to process what is going on, GIVE THEM SPACE!

-- LISTEN!!! When the mom or dad does reach out to you don't talk. JUST LISTEN. Let him or her guide the conversation. Don't ask an excessive amount of questions. Scratch that, don't ask any questions. Ok, maybe one or two, but none about what happened - at least not in the first year. The wounds are still very fresh and you can't imagine how much pain it causes. Trust me, he or she will open up when he or she is ready. One day it will be like word vomit. The first time details are told it will be a raw explosion of emotions and tears. If the parent wants to talk about the latest baseball game, let him or her. Be grateful that they are talking to you.

-- BE AVAILABLE! But don't be offended if you are not the one that is "chosen" to be the first, second, or even third confidant. After my husband and I dealt with the unexpected loss of our son the people I reached out to weren't the people you would expect. I reached out to a few members of the clergy (ok, so that one should be expected.) Next I reached out to a friend who was also pregnant at the time and who's baby just happened to be due 1 month before my son was supposed to be. This friend just happened to be a social worker. I just needed some sense of "normalcy" while knowing I wasn't going to be interrogated. I also wanted to know about some counseling resources. After a while I reached out to a friend who just happened to be pregnant also, and who's daughter was supposed to be born within a day of my son (they practically shared the same due date). She was (and still is) a dear friend who was pregnant with her third child, never has/had lost a child, but is one of the best prayer warriors I have ever met. I still required some sense of normalcy and hope that things could be better. If you notice - I reached out to men who have no clue what is like to be a parent, but are good listeners - I reached out to two women who know what is like to be a parent, but no clue what it is like to lose a child, but they are good listeners. It wasn't the overbearing people who kept badgering me who I talked to first. I wasn't ready for all their questions so I kept them at arm's length. It was the gentle ones who listened who helped me through the tough times. I did talk with family members about it, but much later. It wasn't until months later that I reached out to fellow mothers who had lost children. All in due time.

-- "Is there anything I can do for you?" The answer is generally "NO". Their world has been rocked to the core and nothing will change this. Offering to help, even if it is just to cook a meal is about all we really can do. Offer once and let them be. Your offer has been noted and will be taken up on IF the mom or dad needs your assistance.

-- PRAY FOR THEM! They don't have to know you are doing it. Prayers are always welcome and probably do the most help.

YELLOW LIGHT (Depending on who you are and who the parent is and the relationship you have toward each other)

-- Calling the parents. I said earlier that you should leave them be - and you should. But you can call once - not once a day, not once an hour - ONCE. Don't be offended if they don't answer. You can call to tell them you are available to listen or do something for them. Let the ball be in their court. This action should be reserved for people VERY close to the the couple. If you think you MIGHT be in this inner circle then you probably are not. You need to KNOW that they would want to hear from you before they are ready to reach out to you. Writing an email or letter might even be better. That way they can read it when they are ready without feeling flooded and bombarded.

RED LIGHT (These should go without saying, but people are dumb. They should never be done or said. If I find you ever say or do them I WILL hunt you down like a starving lion and verbally rip you limb from limb)

-- "It's ok. You can have another kid." WHAT?!?! This mom or dad has just had a child die. This isn't a puppy or kitten. IT IS A HUMAN. It is genetically HALF of him or her. There were hopes and dreams that were wrapped up in the excitement of a new life - THIS NEW LIFE! Not some future life. THIS LIFE. It took my husband and I awhile to become pregnant and there were so many hopes and dreams wrapped in this little new life. We didn't know if we would ever be able to have another.

-- Asking when the mom or dad might try again for another child. This is similar to the previous one, but slightly different. You are acknowledging the loss and looking towards the future yes. What you are forgetting is that this parent may (and probably still is) grieving the loss of the child. I talked to a mother who has dealt with the loss of her son, but still openly grieves the loss over 20 years later. There really are things you NEVER get over.

-- "You failed at becoming a parent." I can't make this up. Someone actually told me I failed at becoming a mother because I lost my baby. I didn't fail. God placed a baby in my belly. He also called the baby back to Himself before my dear son took a breath. It wasn't my fault. I did nothing to cause it. I am a mother to my son and always will be. I am not a failure and any mom who loses a baby through no fault of her own isn't either. God has a plan for all His children - we just often don't know what it is.

So in conclusion all I am asking is that you:

1. Think before speaking
2. Take your cues from the grieving parents. If they want space, give them space. If they want to talk, talk to them. You never know what will help someone grieve and what helps may change minute to minute.
3. Pray for healing, understanding and comfort.

Daddy thinks it's funny!

My husband has trained our daughter to do what I call her little "parlor tricks."  He says "clap, clap" and she starts smiling, giggling and clapping.  When he says "dance, dance." She starts bouncing up and down. 

I have taught her to give kisses and hugs.  Also, I have her trained to giggle when I shake my head.

This being said, tonight I was laying on my back with my daughter sitting on my tummy when her dad called saying he was on his way home from work.  When I put him on speakerphone he said, "dance, dance," and she instantaneously started bouncing up and down.... ON MY BLADDER that wasn't exactly empty. 

She started giggling.  He started laughing when he found out what she did.  It was cute though.  She was excited to hear his voice and couldn't contain herself.  It was so cute.  LOVE!

Daddy's Little Girl

I like to watch my daughter.  It is better than TV!  She never ceases to amaze me.  I have also noticed that she is kinda transitioning from a mama's girl to a daddy's girl.  And why wouldn't she?  He is the fun one.  He sings silly songs.  He has endless energy to bounce her (since he bounces his legs almost non-stop anyway as a side effect of his ADHD)  He makes a great a great seat (I have a number of pictures of her sitting on his shoulders, head, arms, etc.)  He's just a big teddy bear.

He took us to feed the ducks, geese, and fish at a local pond today (a favorite activity of both of us).  It took awhile to wipe the grin off her face.  She was bouncy, giggly, and all smiles.  We even walked through a park and took some time stopping to smell the flowers. 

How do you cap off a great evening?  You come home, eat dinner, (get a diaper change of course), and then spend a couple hours singing Disney songs and bouncing on Daddy's legs. 

We know you are jealous!

Daddy talks

I came home and found my husband taking a bathe (not something unusual).  Since I was holding my daughter, when she heard his voice she smiled big, started bouncing on my him, and giggled.  Again, nothing unusual.  So we had this conversation:

Me (in a high pitched baby-like voice while hiding my face behind my child):  Daddy, I have something to tell you.

Hubby:  What?!? (along with a the general accompanying "oh crap, what happened" look)

Me (still talking like my kid) I kissed a boy

Hubby: Oh boy

It is at this point the baby looks away and refuses to look him in the face.  She wouldn't look at him for quite a few minutes.  It was very funny.

I think she knew she did something daddy wasn't going to approve of.  This may have been the first of many daddy talks - but it was soooo funny and cute!

Tag - You're It

There are few things that adequately describe my child's behavior - but this is the best I can come up with - Energizer Snow Angel on Pixie Sticks.  (If this doesn't make sense, imagine the energizer bunny making snow angel motions mixed with what happens when you give a small child pixie sticks - oh the sugar high)  She has 2 speeds - ON and OFF.  Lately she has taken this to a new level.  She has been getting up a couple times in the middle of the night and usually wants changed, fed, and to PLAY.  Her favorite games lately have been bouncing on one of us, playing drums on anything that makes noise, and tickling.  I get the job of taking care of her during the night since I am more of a night person and my husband has to get up early for work.  But let me tell you.... this gets exhausting since she is awake for 2-3 hours, sleeps for 2-3 hours, and repeat.  What happened to my good sleeper?  I don't get it!

Melted heart - day 2

So if singing our daughter to sleep wasn't enough to melt my heart, there was a new heart melting moment at our house last evening.  My husband was sitting in our papasan chair with our daughter laying across his chest and they were playing a cute little game.  He would kiss her, she would giggle.  They played this game for quite a while (considering her attention span is that of a nearly 7 month old's).  When that game was done, he started tickling her, and lo and behold, the giggling started up again.  Who needs toys when you have a dad who can bring you more joy by simply being silly with you?

Make a wife/mom's heart melt

Our daughter has been kind of a stinker when it comes to her sleep pattern lately.  My child who early on would be fine with being put down awake at a designated time would quietly play until she fell asleep or just realize once the lights were turned out and the music from the mobile started it was time to close her eyes, grab her bear and just fall asleep.  Well she had an ear infection a few weeks back.  Because of this, she couldn't stand laying down.  She spent the better part of two weeks either sleeping in her swing or on my chest while I sat in the papasan.  Not the most comfortable sleeping situation, but hey, both of us got some sleep.  Well I think she got very comfortable with the idea of sleeping next to me because she has decided that sleeping on her own will only happen after a temper tantrum.  She has been crying (half asleep mind you) prior to settling down for about a week now.  Tonight as I was washing the bottles of the day (and listening to her scream), I heard my husband's footsteps going toward our daughter and a few seconds later she stopped crying.  I assumed that she had convinced him to pick her up.  So after I was done I walked toward them and noticed something unexpected.  The baby was in her own bed.  My husband was sitting a few feet away softly singing to her and she was just looking at him.  She just needed to hear her daddy's voice to calm down.  Since I work evenings and am often times not home when she goes to sleep I asked him if he does this often.  I was pleasantly happy when he said he does and it generally works.  It is so nice to see how much she adores her daddy and how much he loves her. 

Problem with planning...

In high school I had "rules" for what my future husband would be like (in no particular order):

1. "Tall" - I am short and wanted my children to have a "fighting chance" at being average height.

2.  Faithful and good father for our kids.

3.  Have a shorter last name that is higher up in the alphabet that is also easier to pronounce.  I was always annoyed at being last at graduations, the end of classroom role....etc.

I did good in the first two categories.  The third one....um... it is one letter shorter, but closer to Z than A in the alphabet.  I did fall lower!  But the jury is still out on being easier to pronounce.

I was talking to a co-worker (a 19 year old) about her boyfriend and she laughed when I told her my "rules."  I have to laugh at them too!  Nice to know what was important at the time!

A "Great" Way to Start the Day!

There are some days when you know, "it can only get better from here, right?" I am having one of THOSE days - and it is only 10 am!

So I woke up a little after 8am to my daughter whimpering.  She was wet and hungry.  Ok, this is a daily thing, no biggie!  So I give her the binky, go toss the dirty diapers in the washing machine, and start it, and go pump.  (She refuses to latch properly and we have found that she is perfectly content with refusing to learn so that she can get her milk in the bottle - soooo much easier to eat from a bottle than from mom! Grrr)  Thus far, it is no different than any other day.  So I get her bottle all ready to go and change her.  (She also will not eat if her pants are dirty!)  As I am changing her my phone rings (of course, because it has to ring when I am busy!) and the number comes up 000-0000 on the caller ID (blocked number), so I don't think much of it, let it go to voice mail and continue on.  I put the diaper in it's pail, wash my hands, grab my daughter, the bottle, and my phone and sit on the edge of the bed to feed her.  She was pretty hungry and sucking the bottle down pretty quickly, so I thought, well lets see who called me and left a voice message.  So I call my voice mailbox, type in my code and hear, "Hello, this is Officer ______ from the sheriff's department." At this moment the thought crosses my mind, I am the ICE (in case of emergency) contact for 2 people for sure - my mom and my husband.  I know this because I am the one that set up both phones.  I let the bottle slip just a little and it hits the back of my poor daughter's very sensitive throat.  "One of our officers has found your (insert make and model of the car my husband drives) abandoned.  Please call us back if you get this message in the next 10-15 minutes."  It had been about that amount of time already.  As she is finishing up her message, my daughter has finished vomiting all over both of us.  I am not talking just a little spit up.  No, I am talking covered both her and I from neck down, coming out of her mouth and nose vomit.  There was not a dry article of clothing between the two of us.  My shirt, bra, pj pants, and even underwear were soaked.  You could have ringed out her little sleeper it was that wet.  GREAT!!  So at this moment I know a few things:

1.  The baby is getting a bath.

2. My husband is not a small man and he knows how to fight.  His work has even used him as a fill in "bouncer" on occasion.  No one in their right mind would intentionally pick a fight with him for no reason.

3.  My husband is out fishing.  He had talked about trying out a new location last week.  He probably unknowingly parked where he shouldn't have.

4.  My husband does not drive a car that most thieves would consider worthy of their time and energy to steal - especially during daylight hours.

5.  My husband has a bad habit of being bad at cell phone usage.  He will let the battery go dead.  He will leave it in odd places.  He will forget to change the ringer from silent to sound.

All these factors and my heart still skipped a beat and then rapidly sped up.  So I listened to the message again to get the number and called the dispatcher back.  She puts me on hold and comes back on the line and says, "Oh, one of our officers has made contact with your husband.  He was out fishing.  Have a nice day."  CLICK.  Thank you for telling me something I already knew.  So I strip the baby down to her birthday suit and run the bath water.  I know there is not going to be a lot of hot water because the washing machine is almost completely finished, but the little floating turtle says that the temperature is acceptable for baby bathing and she reeks of vomit.  So she gets cleaned up and a little play time in the water (her favorite thing to do).  I get her diapered and dressed and she was falling asleep, so I laid her back in bed.  So I jump in the shower - only to discover I get to take a tepid-cold shower.  Yeah!  Go ME!

So, how was your morning?

The only good thing about summer is...

BASEBALL!!!!

I am intolerant of heat.  I hate being hot.  I whine, I moan, I complain, and every family member I have knows that I don't like the summer.  My favorite season is winter.  Spring and Fall are nice when it is under 80 degrees (preferably under 75).  That being said, the only good thing about summer (well Spring to Fall really) starts with baseball spring training and comes to a sad conclusion at the World Series!

I should probably back this post up a little and say there is a MAJOR stereotypical role reversal going on in our house.  My husband is the better cook.  I cook because I have to eat (and usually it is pretty simple meals.)  He doesn't just cook, he creates.  He reads cooking books for fun.  He owns cooking things I don't even know how to operate.  I love sports.  I obsessively follow my teams.  I have a favorite college football team.  (My husband roles his eyes)  There is a major obsession with my favorite college basketball team that probably needs therapeutic guidance.  (He calls it pumpkin pounding and discourages our daughter from watching it)  But the one that my husband is willing to tolerate is my love of the local baseball team.  I don't follow professional football or basketball because I think they are a bunch of over paid pansies, but for some reason that hatred does not filter over into baseball.  I love going to the professional games.  Maybe it is the slow pace.  Maybe it is the food.  Maybe it is the good company one has while sitting watching, or maybe it is because the college baseball teams around here usually are not that great.  Whatever the reason, starting in about 2 weeks there will be a game on 5 nights a week and Sunday afternoons.  While I might only attend one or two games at the stadium, I will watch a large chunk of the games on TV.  And hopefully my husband will join me and my daughter in this practice.  I hope to not only teach her to love the games, but to be a good sport when playing them.  I already know she is a fan of baseball - whether she realizes it or not.

You see I found out I was pregnant with her in late winter/early Spring.  I already had a trip to Chicago to visit a few friends planned for April of that year, so naturally I took her with me.  (It wasn't like we could be separated!)  I was just starting the first week of my second trimester when I landed in Chicago.  One of the things I wanted to do when I was in Chicago was to go to a game.  I didn't really care if it was the Cubs or the White Sox.  Well only the White Sox were in town when I was there, so we went to the Sox vs the Indians game.  Well I didn't feel movement per se (it was too early for that), but I could feel some intermittent pressure when I would get excited or laughing too hard at things my friends were saying.  Nothing to make me too concerned, but I think it was her way of showing she was enjoying my happiness at the situation.  Since it was sooooo unbelievably and intolerably hot last summer, I spent more than my fair share of time laying on the bed under the ceiling fan watching baseball.  I would talk to my daughter about the games.  She could hear me cheering for the team.  I even think she heard her daddy cheering them on at times.  Fast forward to the end of the season.  My team had no chance of making it to the World Series.  I was aware of that.  My husband has some family that are diehard Cards fans.  I have some friends who bleed Cardinal red as well.  So I jumped on the bandwagon.  My team was done, so I started to enjoy a team that had a chance.  (Hey, don't judge me! It allowed me to enjoy the game for a few more weeks!)  Well I was at the end of my pregnancy.  I would walk around a local park and lake to try to coax her out....didn't work.  I did just about everything short of castor oil (I have my limits) to try to get her out.  The only time I got good contractions was during the world series games.  Starting with game 3, I would contract for 3-4 hours about 15-20 minutes apart, but only during the game and for a little bit after the game.  They were going pretty good during game 6.  She was even moving A LOT during games 5 and 6.  I was sure she would be joining us after the 6th game.  But no!  I had to sign her eviction notice and be induced the morning of game 7.  While it was a scheduled induction, the world series game was not why I was being induced - it is just a unique coincidence.  Well labor got going real good and actively strong right about the time the first pitch was being thrown.  She was born in the middle of the 4th inning.  We spent the rest of the evening learning each others quirks and getting to know each other and watching the end of the game and the coverage after.  (Since after she was born it was late and her daddy was exhausted we let him sleep.... the nurses were in and out of our room every hour throughout the night, so I was awake whether I wanted to be or not)  I told a few of my Cards fans friends and family that I may have inadvertently birthed a Cards fan, but I will do everything in my power to get her to like the right team!

BRING ON THE SEASON OPENER OF 2012!

Sad Commentary on Society

So last week (Friday) I went to church with my daughter for Stations of the Cross.  After the service I was talking to priest and a lady stepped between us and said to me, "Thank you for not aborting your child."  Well I looked over her shoulder to see the look on Fr.'s face - it was one of shock and awe and I think there might have been a twinkle of "how is she going to handle this one..." (he is a little ornery sometimes).  Well I looked back at her and as gently and kindly as I could muster while being as shocked as possible, I responded by saying, "While she was a little bit of a surprise, she is and was very much wanted and loved.  My husband and I are truly blessed to have her."  To which Fr.'s face turned to one of awe and love (and there might have been a little bit of a tear forming since he was aware of our struggles with carrying a baby to full term).  She mumbled something about thinking I was a teenage mom because I looked so young.  I told her my age.  She didn't believe me.  Fr. reassured her that I was in fact at least as old as I claimed (he tried to add a year or so onto my age!)

So...fast forward a week to last night.  I took my daughter to Saturday evening mass because I had to work Saturday night and didn't really feel like getting up a couple hours after I had got home from work to attempt to be functional during mass.  My husband was at work and had just got off work as I was leaving the house and he was in no condition to go to mass with me (really tired, kinda stinky, etc), so again I went to church without him (he'll go in the morning when he is good and rested)...  THE SAME LADY comes up to me after mass and tells me how cute my daughter is (yeah, I know but it is nice to hear, and I thanked her).  The she proceeds to tell me about her son and how she doesn't have any grand-kids.  I think I mumbled something about how unfortunate that is (I am trying to hit the door so I can drop my daughter off at home to play with her dad and so I can get to work on time).  Then she proceeds to attempt to set me up with him.  I reminded her that I am married and have been for almost six years and that this child that she was admiring is in fact his.  Oh yeah, and her son is 52 years old.  I am 28!

So my reflections upon this:

1.  It is sad that people seem to think that mothers need to be thanked for not aborting their kid.  It should be a shock to the system that moms would consider killing their child, not the other way around.  Kids are a blessing, not a burden!

2.  I sometimes hate being so short.  I get associated with teenagers a lot more often than I want to admit.  While it has been about a year since I was given the kids' menu at a restaurant, I do have a "young" looking face and short stature!  Grrr.......

3.  Gee... lady.... last week you think I am a teenage mom.  This week you think I look old enough to date your son who is my mom's age.  Did I really look that bad at mass?  I asked a co-worker if I looked that rough, and she said I looked the same as I usually do.  (Then a few comments about my height and charming teenager looks were added for good measure!)

4.  Maybe I need to go to church with my husband so this lady doesn't keep talking to me.  I think she thinks he is a figment of my imagination.  He is in fact very real and a great dad to our daughter!  Back off lady, I am not interested in your son!

Baby bad habits

My daughter has two very bad habits that I know her daddy would LOVE if she did away with because they both affect him negatively.

1.  Pulling daddy's beard.  She gets as much fur as her little hands can hold and just yanks for dear life.  I don't even have to see it anymore.  I know when I hear her name in a pained voice she is yanking on her daddy's beard again.  Good thing sheering day is in a few days and he gets his bi-annual hair cut and shave!  (More on that later)

2.  She seems to target him for spit up and puking.  It's been a few weeks since she has nailed me with some good vomit (I know I just cursed myself by saying this).  My poor husband on the other hand - about every other time he holds her he gets nailed.  A few nights back she nailed him 4 or 5 times while we were having family movie night.  I don't get it.  It is almost like she gets SOOOOO excited with him playing with her that she just unloads her stomach contents.

St. Patrick's Day fun

St. Patrick's Day is always a fun day in our house.  The celebration started extra early this year.  My dear husband has been playing Celtic music and Irish drinking songs since mid-February.  Both sides of our family have some Irish blood flowing through our veins.  For the last 3 or 4 years we have gone to a local microbrewery and listened to a local Celtic band.  This year was no different. The only difference is that we have the little lady.  So I dressed her up in a shirt that said, "Irish you would KISS ME" and took her to listen to the music.  Her daddy danced and sang with her for a couple hours.  She loved it!  They looked so cute it made my heart melt.  How awesome is it that she has such a great daddy who adores her so much?  She is a lucky little lady and she knows it!

Mom and Dad-isms

So I have noticed that my husband and I say some very odd things now that we are parents.  Many of which can be completely misinterpreted if taken out of context.  Here are a few examples:

"No, keep your legs down." (diaper changing and dressing)

"Confessionals are not accommodating for 2 people - even if one of them is 25 inches tall and weighs less than 14 lbs." (talking about holding my daughter while in the confessional)

"Come on, please burp!"

"Poopy !  Yeah!!"

"Don't puke! Don't puke! I don't have time to bathe you today, please don't puke."  (also been said in combination with "Don't puke because you won't get a bath if you do." but that was said after she was anointed with chrism and smelled heavenly)

 "How's my fluffy butt doing?" (Cloth diapers!)

"What are the rules?  No peeing! No pooping!  Keep feet out of the diaper."

"I'll let you bite my noise if you will stop crying."

"Come on you stupid burger!"  (Said while trying to clean out my daughter's nose)

"No sweetie, we kiss with our mouths closed!" (She likes to lick people)

Appreciation for what we have

In a world where being a father seems to be purely biological (get the girl pregnant and say adios!), I am very much appreciative of my husband.  Yes, people, I am married to my daughter's father.  Shocking as that might be in these days.  Not only am I married to him, we have been married since 2006.  Our son was still born in 2010 and our daughter was born in 2011.  You do the math - the "ring" came before the "bump"!  (A fact that a priest thanked us for this past week - which is sad that he felt the need to do so)  The only shotgun that was associated with our wedding was the one that my husband's uncle/Godfather gave to him as a wedding present (completely random and funny story associated with that!)

Ok, back to why I (and my daughter, though she doesn't fully realize it yet) am appreciative of what we have.  My husband is not perfect - none of us are.  That being said, he does a great job of doing the best he can.  It took a friend pointing out how much I was taking for granted to realize it.  In the past week my husband has:

~ Changed probably 60-75% of the diapers when we have been home together
~ Warmed up bottles and fed our kid probably 75% of the time that we have been home together
~ Laid on the floor and played with our daughter
~ Encouraged her to roll over (her latest trick)
~ Sang made up and traditional songs to her
~ Held her when she was upset
~ Played with her
~ Read/told stories to her
~ Helped me clean the house
~ Dealt with my craziness with minimal commentary
~ Watched over and protected her while I spent time visiting with a friend

One might say, "yeah, but that is what you would expect him to do".  That is probably why I might have been under appreciative of him lately.  I should expect him to help out with our child.  Yet, in a day/age where so many men are making babies and running away or just not being fatherly towards them, I am lucky.  My daughter adores her dad.  And he whole heartedly deserves her adoration.  There are times when I am pretty sure she would rather be with him than with me.  He is the fun one. She is lucky, and one day very soon I am sure she will realize it.  Right now, she is just too young, so for the time being, I am here to say, THANK YOU SWEETY!  We love you!

Addict in the making

There is ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT about the fact my husband is a bibliophile (that is a book lover/addict)  I like to joke that our "library"/spare room is going to go up in flames and be the best kindling if our house ever catches fire (please pray it doesn't). 

Well while doing some Spring cleaning/organizing I came to a realization.  Our 4 month old daughter already has over 50 books.  While she really has only "read"/listened to about 10 thus far (the rest are for her when she is a little older), she has them for when she's ready for them.  This doesn't count all the books that are at my mom's house waiting to show up at our house because I keep forgetting to bring them back.  My mom has all my kiddy books from when I was little (or at least all the Dr. Seuss and Bernstein Bear books) and they are my daughter's whenever I remember to bring them back.  That will put her book count way up because we had every book written by those two authors.

Oh, and I should probably mention, I like to read too.  I do not own as many books as my husband, but I can't claim to not like to read.  So our child better like to read because her mama and daddy do and we like to read to her.  So far she seems to enjoy it - at least the pictures and funny voices.