Learning not to compare

I suffer from a condition where I always feel like I am failing as a mom.  This has been made worse by my daughter's former pediatrician making me feel like a horrible mom because my daughter is off the charts tall and way below where she should be in the weight category.  She is tall and thin.  She doesn't look sickly and is very active - always walking and bouncing around.  So am I starving my kid, NO!!!  I mean what was God thinking when he gave me such a wonderful little kid?  I am forever comparing myself to friends I know with kids a little older than my daughter and in my head I don't measure up.  But I have been trying to figure out that not everyone is perfect and I need to stop being so hard on myself but when things like this happen...

So I was feeling especially exhausted a few days ago.  I had got home from work at my usual time (3am) and my daughter was WIDE awake.  Well since her dad had to work the next morning and I knew she wasn't going to go back to sleep anytime soon, so we went out to the living room (farthest we could get away from daddy so he could sleep) and couch for cuddle time.  She was awake until 530!  Talk about EXHAUSTED mommy.  She woke up a little later than her normal 10am - she waited until 1030.  Somehow those times don't add up.  2.5 hours of play time does not equal 30 minutes of sleep in time.  So in the morning she had created one very nasty diaper.  It was like road construction tar caked on her little tushy and wipes were NOT doing the trick.  So at my wits end I decided to sit her on the toilet and use the cloth diaper sprayer to get off the majority before giving her a bath.  Well the water coming out of the diaper sprayer is super cold and she DID NOT LIKE IT!!  Poor baby!!  But she did get a nice warm bath after with loads of play time.  The entire time she was screaming because her bottom was super cold I was crying and trying to calm her down.  As she was bathing I told her, "I know, I know, C's mom would never do this to her."  Later on when she was happy because she got loads of play time in warm water I was reflecting on what happened and said to my little lady, "well yeah, C's mama might do it.  I wouldn't put it past her to let her boys play in the mud then hose them down on the back porch before letting them come in the house too."  Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to keep your life sane. 

At the end of the day I have the happiest kid I know.  She is fed, changed and safe.  So I am doing ok, right?

Swim play date

The little lady had a play date in the pool with my friend Amy and her dear son "Junior".  (Side note: Check out her blog - she's pretty resourceful!)  The babies had loads of fun.  My little lady proved herself a good flirt.  Junior was a little scared at first at the little lady's forwardness.  He is timid at first - needs to warm up to people.  She is instantly friends with everyone.  If he wouldn't have been scared off, she would have been all up in his business.  She tried to kiss him (and I am not sure she didn't succeed at least once).  EEEKKK!!  I thought I would have a few more years before the kissing of boys would start!  I mean a few months back she got kissed by a couple of boys, but this was the first time that SHE tried to kiss a boy.  I repeat EEEKKK!

So this pool play date allowed the mamas to talk.  Well kind of between Junior trying to crawl off a raft and my little lady doing her best snow angel impression and splashing me in the face.  It has been way too long since our last lunchy-lunch date to chat, so we had some catching up to do.  Since he is 7 months older than my little lady, I got to see what kind of ball of energy I can expect to deal with.  Oh boy!  I am not ready for that much energy!  Good thing it will be a gradual increase!

Calling the priest....

I have learned that the words, "Oh, no, she never does that..." in reference to my daughter is usually viewed as a challenge to her and she promptly does it.  One of the days I will remember this!

I was at my grandparents house today.  The little lady was sitting on the floor playing quietly.  I gave her my phone to play with (she likes to look at the pictures of herself).  She has never called anyone - up until today.  [Side note: some of the pictures are linked to phone numbers so when that person calls I see a picture of my daughter with that person.  It makes me smile every time and is a quick way to see that whoever is calling is someone I know.]  She was scrolling through the pictures of herself and came to a picture of her Godfather (who just happens to be a Catholic priest) holding her from her baptism weekend and she must have hit the "send" button because seconds after saying that she never calls anyone I looked down and saw the timer going and it said 20 seconds and counting and my daughter was chatting away.  I looked at her and said, "What are you doing?"  She laughed, smiled and I quickly picked up the phone.  She had actually made the call and he answered.

I was pretty embarrassed!  I had no reason to call him - and I knew he probably was busy working.  The little lady decided she needed something to tell him that was very important and couldn't wait.  Too bad neither one of us knew what she was telling him because it sounded like babble to the "adults". 

There is a reason why I think she called him.  Other than I gave her something that looked like a fun play toy with buttons.  God thought he could use a smile.  I was unaware that he was having a bad day, but he was.  He enjoyed the fact that she called him and was chatting.  Who can not smile at the sound of a baby chatting anyway?  I believe God used my daughter to make someone's day better - and that is awesome.  After apologizing for interrupting his busy day, he did express a hope that my daughter feels comfortable enough when she is 18 to call him up randomly and chat.  So do I!

Temper temper and addiction

My child has reasons to throw all out fits. She was sick the last week with double ear infections. Did she throw horrible fits because of the feeling crummy and the pain? No, not really. She was pretty good.
What caused my daughter to scream? Her Gossie and Gertie books that her little birthday buddy and his brother and sister (not to mention their wonderful parents) gave to her when she was born. We have started giving her board books (especially these ones) to look at. She likes the pretty pictures. She can even turn the pages on her own. What happened when her dad tried to take the book from her to READ it to her? Meltdown. She screamed at him until he gave it back to her.  Then she smiled her big cheesy smile. She is a pretty big fan of Gossie and Gertie.
Can you say independent and stubborn?

I wish I would have known...

This organization was recently brought to my attention:  Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep  Where did I learn about this organization?  My friend Sarah posted this on her blog.  Her kind words are in fact about me. 

I really, really wish I would have known about this organization when we lost our son.  There was/is photographers in the town we live in.  We could have benefited from their free services.  Even though they were free, I would have paid for them. 

So I want to make everyone I can aware of this organization!  You never know when someone you know will need their services.  While I pray no one ever does, they are there and they do great work.

The only good thing about summer is...

BASEBALL!!!!

I am intolerant of heat.  I hate being hot.  I whine, I moan, I complain, and every family member I have knows that I don't like the summer.  My favorite season is winter.  Spring and Fall are nice when it is under 80 degrees (preferably under 75).  That being said, the only good thing about summer (well Spring to Fall really) starts with baseball spring training and comes to a sad conclusion at the World Series!

I should probably back this post up a little and say there is a MAJOR stereotypical role reversal going on in our house.  My husband is the better cook.  I cook because I have to eat (and usually it is pretty simple meals.)  He doesn't just cook, he creates.  He reads cooking books for fun.  He owns cooking things I don't even know how to operate.  I love sports.  I obsessively follow my teams.  I have a favorite college football team.  (My husband roles his eyes)  There is a major obsession with my favorite college basketball team that probably needs therapeutic guidance.  (He calls it pumpkin pounding and discourages our daughter from watching it)  But the one that my husband is willing to tolerate is my love of the local baseball team.  I don't follow professional football or basketball because I think they are a bunch of over paid pansies, but for some reason that hatred does not filter over into baseball.  I love going to the professional games.  Maybe it is the slow pace.  Maybe it is the food.  Maybe it is the good company one has while sitting watching, or maybe it is because the college baseball teams around here usually are not that great.  Whatever the reason, starting in about 2 weeks there will be a game on 5 nights a week and Sunday afternoons.  While I might only attend one or two games at the stadium, I will watch a large chunk of the games on TV.  And hopefully my husband will join me and my daughter in this practice.  I hope to not only teach her to love the games, but to be a good sport when playing them.  I already know she is a fan of baseball - whether she realizes it or not.

You see I found out I was pregnant with her in late winter/early Spring.  I already had a trip to Chicago to visit a few friends planned for April of that year, so naturally I took her with me.  (It wasn't like we could be separated!)  I was just starting the first week of my second trimester when I landed in Chicago.  One of the things I wanted to do when I was in Chicago was to go to a game.  I didn't really care if it was the Cubs or the White Sox.  Well only the White Sox were in town when I was there, so we went to the Sox vs the Indians game.  Well I didn't feel movement per se (it was too early for that), but I could feel some intermittent pressure when I would get excited or laughing too hard at things my friends were saying.  Nothing to make me too concerned, but I think it was her way of showing she was enjoying my happiness at the situation.  Since it was sooooo unbelievably and intolerably hot last summer, I spent more than my fair share of time laying on the bed under the ceiling fan watching baseball.  I would talk to my daughter about the games.  She could hear me cheering for the team.  I even think she heard her daddy cheering them on at times.  Fast forward to the end of the season.  My team had no chance of making it to the World Series.  I was aware of that.  My husband has some family that are diehard Cards fans.  I have some friends who bleed Cardinal red as well.  So I jumped on the bandwagon.  My team was done, so I started to enjoy a team that had a chance.  (Hey, don't judge me! It allowed me to enjoy the game for a few more weeks!)  Well I was at the end of my pregnancy.  I would walk around a local park and lake to try to coax her out....didn't work.  I did just about everything short of castor oil (I have my limits) to try to get her out.  The only time I got good contractions was during the world series games.  Starting with game 3, I would contract for 3-4 hours about 15-20 minutes apart, but only during the game and for a little bit after the game.  They were going pretty good during game 6.  She was even moving A LOT during games 5 and 6.  I was sure she would be joining us after the 6th game.  But no!  I had to sign her eviction notice and be induced the morning of game 7.  While it was a scheduled induction, the world series game was not why I was being induced - it is just a unique coincidence.  Well labor got going real good and actively strong right about the time the first pitch was being thrown.  She was born in the middle of the 4th inning.  We spent the rest of the evening learning each others quirks and getting to know each other and watching the end of the game and the coverage after.  (Since after she was born it was late and her daddy was exhausted we let him sleep.... the nurses were in and out of our room every hour throughout the night, so I was awake whether I wanted to be or not)  I told a few of my Cards fans friends and family that I may have inadvertently birthed a Cards fan, but I will do everything in my power to get her to like the right team!

BRING ON THE SEASON OPENER OF 2012!

Visit from a Priest and a true gift of Friendship

I have known a man who is a priest since he was between his junior and senior year of high school.  There is no human reason we should have remained friends - it is only because God knew we needed each other in our lives.  I like to say he's the little brother I never got and I am the older sister he doesn't need.  (He has four sister and no brothers!)  Here's how the story goes:

2002 - I am a camp counselor at a retreat center in a different diocese.  I drove 5 hours (driving through a couple diocese in the process) to volunteer at this camp because the director of the camp (my uncle) needed more counselors for his senior high school camp.  There I met this tall, mildly awkward kid with a funny name.  One of the first conversations we ever had included me asking him where he was thinking of applying to college (I was in college, he was going to be a senior - seemed like a logical question).  His response shocked me - with a big smile and excitement he said, "I am going into the seminary.  I am going to be a priest."  How could this kid be so certain when I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life and I was older than he was?  My response was something like, "That's awesome.  I will pray for you."

2003 - Same camp, same senior week.  I only remembered 3 kids from the previous year.  The same kid with the funny name was there.  He was taller and less awkward.  Since he had graduated from high school, I wanted to know one thing, so I asked if he was still going to the seminary.  There was an excitement in his eyes when he said he was.  At the end of the week long camp we exchanged emails and instant messenger names (yes, this was the age of instant messenger).  I never knew if I was going to see this kid again or not, but everyone needs more friends.

Over the next two years we occasionally would "check in with each other."  Not often, but often enough.  He came down for my college graduation in 2005 - not a short drive from his college in Minnesota.  It was nice to see him again after not seeing him for two years.  A year later I got married to a wonderful man.  Since he was a seminarian, my husband and I asked him to be the petitioner at our wedding.  A married couple (my husband's aunt & uncle) did the readings.  We thought it would be appropriate for a married couple to read about the Bible's words on marriage and a seminarian to do the prayers.  I also gave him carte blanche on what the petitions should be to.  The note I handed him said something along the lines:  "You are a seminarian.  If I have to tell you how to pray your diocese has issues."  He did a great job.

We would not see each other until his deaconate ordination over four years later.  I had a little surprise up my sleeves for this.  A few weeks before his ordination I called him and asked him if I could bring someone with me, but I would take care of feeding this person, he didn't need to worry about it.  I had to laugh when he told me there would be more than enough food and I wouldn't need to worry about it - I could bring anyone I wanted.  After over five minutes of hinting around I had to just come out and say, "hey, you're not getting the hint - I AM PREGNANT!"  The only thing that could have made this story better would have been if I would have been able to see his face when I said it.  I could hear the excitement through the cell phone.  This excitement was continued at his ordination.  I couldn't have been more excited/proud of him.

This excitement came to a crashing halt three weeks later when I sent him a text asking him to pray for me and my unborn baby because I was going in for emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix.  My surgery was very early on a Sunday morning, which made me feel guilty because I missed mass.  So while my husband was at mass (I was out of surgery and in a room to recover by this point) my now deacon friend read the mass readings to me and gave me a blessing via the phone.  (I don't know the rules on long distance blessings, but we gave it a go)  On Tuesday my husband and my world was forever changed when our son was stillborn.  When my deacon friend found out he immediately booked a flight to come down for the funeral.  He even spoke with the priest that was set to preside over the funeral to make sure everything was in place.   He also helped with the funeral as a deacon.

The following year when he was set to be ordained a priest I was excited to witness it.  He even asked me to be the second reader at this event.  I was able to see him the weekend prior to his ordination at a different man's ordination and I had a little surprise for him.  He got an early ordination gift and letter from my unborn child.  Yes, I was pregnant again!   I got to see his face when he realized there was a little baby inside of me.  He was super happy for me.  I was the same place in this pregnancy as I was when our son was stillborn, so I was beginning to feel movement.  The following week at his ordination my daughter had a surprise for everyone.  She decided to be a part of the ordination.  Right in the middle of the reading, she kicked my bladder.  I stopped/paused reading to make sure I didn't wet myself.  It was very noticeable.  While up in his diocese I did some behind his back investigation chatting with his bishop.  You see my husband and I wanted him to be the Godfather of our baby, but we both knew that some diocese don't allow priests to be Godfathers.  (We didn't want to ask him and then find out it wasn't allowed - oh the disappointment that would have been for everyone involved)  I had already found out about our diocese.  His was a go!  So after we found out our little baby was going to be a girl (at Father's day weekend no less), we asked if he would be willing to agree to be the Godfather.  He was!  And five months later he baptized his own Goddaughter.

He came down to visit for a couple days recently.  He wanted to escape his parish (yes, priests need breaks from the stress of parish life sometimes) and to visit his Goddaughter and my husband and me.  It was nice to see him again and the little lady decided to celebrate by rolling over unaided for the first time with the three of us watching.  He also honored us by celebrating mass in our house a few times.  He also anointed the little lady with the same batch of chrism that was used at his ordination a few months prior.  Something that is nice and somewhat humbling.  Not to mention she smelled heavenly for a few days following his departure.

Play date! And a true gift of friendship from God!

Ok, so I have to start this by saying that I am super excited about the opportunity to have play dates for my daughter with my friend Sarah and her 2 adorable boys and 1 very angelic little girl.

Sarah and I became friends because I am a persistent stalker!  This might sound a bit severe, but hey, sometimes the truth hurts.  We were both transfers to a nearby Catholic college (about an hour from both of our parent's homes - her to the NE and me to the SW)  She transferred from a different Catholic college to be closer to her family.  I transferred in to be at a Catholic college instead of the public university I was at.  I transferred in at the beginning of Fall semester while she came in the Spring.  This being said, since I was commuting to and from campus, I really didn't know anyone and when we both showed up to class freakishly early we got to talking.  She was shy and polite.  Like always, I WOULDN'T SHUT UP!  I am fairly confident she was thinking, "what kind of freak show is this girl?" (Not to mention I was on crutches for some moronic injury which only added to my spastic level!)  I don't know what it was (so I blame/give credit to God for my persistence in the matter), but something (or someone) told me that I had to befriend her.  I needed her in my life.  Well over the course of the semester we would always show up to class early and talk - sometimes about schoolwork, but usually about life in general.  The next semester we had a couple classes together, and the following, and so on.  Since we were in the same major, it made sense that we would be seeing each other often.

Fast forward three years to graduation day.  By now we were good friends - and have a couple "classic" (read:  neither can manage to keep eyes open and look "normal" when a camera is involved) pictures to celebrate the big event of moving on to the next step in our lives.  We were both engaged.  I had asked her to be a bride's maid in my wedding that would take place the following May.  She would get married before me in January.  Such a BEAUTIFUL bride she made and the service was amazing.  Well when it came to my wedding she was pregnant!  EEKK!!  Happy bride and even happier momma-to-be!  Although looking at her and at the pictures you would have never been able to tell she was about 3 1/2 months along.  (Although she maintains she had a little bump, I never saw it!)  So her little prince was born in late October 2006.  She would have another prince in November 2008.

When 2010 rolled around we were excited to discover that we were pregnant at the same time.  Our due dates were 1 week apart!  She was one of 6 other friends that was due within 2 months of my due date.  My child would have lots of play buddies.  Well, all that excitement came crashing to a halt when my son was still born in early December 2010.  Sarah was available with a very nice phone call, a very supportive email, and knowing her - prayers.  Loads of prayers.  Did I mention she is one of the most faith filled people!  Well when her daughter was born (a little fashionably late, but the day after my son was due), I was super excited because at least one of us would have a baby to hold/take care of.  By this point I knew I was pregnant again, but not telling anyone.  I knew I shouldn't spill the beans to her before the grandparents, but it nearly happened when I learned about her daughter's birth.  Sarah was one of the first people to comment about my pregnancy announcement and much to her joy and surprise my little angel arrived the day after her oldest son's birthday.  (The one that was in my wedding in his mama's belly).  :)  They are birthday buddies.

At our first play date, her two sons were AMAZING around my daughter.  So attentive and sweet!  I just wanted to pick them up, squeeze them, and clone them to take home because of how awesome they were.  Between those two boys and their daddy, Sarah's daughter's future courtiers have a huge mountain to climb!  Not to mention we hope to continue our play dates over the course of the following years so that our kids can grow up with awesome Catholic friends and her daughter doesn't have to be scarred for life by my daughter when they would meet in college)

So we have a play date with the 4 kids for a few hours.  I was greeted at the door by both of the boys peering out of the door smiling as big as can be.  My daughter got her first present from a boy not related to her (and her own age) - a beautiful drawing of her and a church.  HOW SWEET!!  So I put it in her baby book when we got home.  The adults got to talk (sometimes over my crying/teething baby).  The boys offered to share their toys with my daughter (HOW CUTE!).  There were loads of hugs and kisses.  (Yes, my daughter got her first kiss from a boy - her birthday buddy and his little brother both kissed her on the top of the head when their mom was feeding their little sister, but shhhhh, don't tell her)  I got to hold (for the few minutes she would let me) Sarah's daughter.  While it makes me sad to see how big my son would have been and what he could be accomplishing, the joy that my daughter brings outranks the sadness.  We did not do anything earth shattering.  It really was a go visit a friend and her kids, talk, have some lunch, and basically get out of the house kind of day.  But aren't those the best anyway?

I am soooo excited to see my friend who was sent from heaven again.  Living about 3 hours apart really stinks! 

Would my life have continued had Sarah realized my spastic nature and transferred out of that fateful class into one with "normal" students?  Yes.  Would it have been as colorful?  No.  I thank God for a friend like her who shows me what a good Catholic mom these days looks like.