My daughter does a GREAT job of keeping me humble when I need it. This past week I was paid a pretty awesome complement by an uncle. He reaffirmed me (completely out of the blue mind you) by telling me that I am a great mom and he is proud of me. I was feeling pretty puffed up. I won't lie. Well about 3 hours later I decided to take my little pumpkin to the local library for a reading/play group. My little angel decided to turn devilish in public. She started throwing toys, hitting, and screaming for no known reason. Of course we left immediately - no need to subject anyone to that! On the walk to the car she started showing that she was sorry (hiding her eyes, hugging me, kissing me - the usual when she knows she did something wrong - her way of saying "sorry" even though she can't verbalize it), so I told her we would go to the grocery store real quick. That was a bad idea! After about 3 isles, she started screaming again. I leaned over to quiet her (and give her a kiss, which can quiet her) and she reared back and headbutted my nose with all her might. Of course I instantly started crying in pain and my nose started lightly bleeding. So I got the pleasure of going through the checkout line crying, with a screaming baby, and a possibly fractured nose.
So I'm such a great mom that my kid felt the need to have multiple melt-downs in public. I guess I should be happy that it took her 16 months to have her first true meltdown in public and hopefully it is her last. I am not holding my breath about that though!
Showing posts with label General annoyances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label General annoyances. Show all posts
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Open PSA to all regarding the loss of a child and your behavior
I have had the unfortunate misfortune to lose a few babies to miscarriage and stillbirth. It sucks, but it makes me expressly qualified to write this. You see I am not the only one who has suffered this inconceivable loss. It seems like things go in waves, and right now the wave of multiple people I know losing their kid before knowing them seems to be high - a fact that makes my heart ache. My prayer would be that no mom - or dad for that fact - would ever experience the heart wrenching pain that drains the parent of all energy and lead to a crisis of faith. That being said, it is a reality of our broken humanity. My hope is that through this post, I can give some insights on HOW one should behave toward these parents - what is acceptable to do and what is not. I have broken up this post into GREEN light, YELLOW light, and RED light actions. Please consider what I have to say - I speak from experience.
GREEN LIGHT (You can say or do these things without risking offending the grieving parents)
-- GIVE THEM SPACE!!!! This seems counter-intuitive. When an adult dies we rally around the grieving family, hug, and tell stories about the person who has passed. But when a parent loses a child so young there are no stories to be told. This unexpected loss leaves everyone asking "WHY?" "WHAT?" "WHERE?" Why did this happen? What exactly happened? Where do we go from here? All these questions have limited to no answered. The parents need time to process this in their own way. This processing can't be done when everyone is calling, texting, trying to get a hold and by extension smother them. The mom and dad of the lost infant need time to spend with each other and grieve before they can face the world and grieve with extended family members. That is not to say they don't love their extended family, but the moment the vow of two becoming one flesh in marriage, the parents of the these new (grieving) parents and siblings become EXTENDED family, not immediate family. A new family is created in marriage, and while this is generally celebrated, when a child is lost, this is the first thing that is forgotten. Even if you are the mom, sister, grandmother, you are not entitled to the inner circle. Get over yourself - they are in more pain than you are. They will reach out when they are ready. Especially if they request time to process what is going on, GIVE THEM SPACE!
-- LISTEN!!! When the mom or dad does reach out to you don't talk. JUST LISTEN. Let him or her guide the conversation. Don't ask an excessive amount of questions. Scratch that, don't ask any questions. Ok, maybe one or two, but none about what happened - at least not in the first year. The wounds are still very fresh and you can't imagine how much pain it causes. Trust me, he or she will open up when he or she is ready. One day it will be like word vomit. The first time details are told it will be a raw explosion of emotions and tears. If the parent wants to talk about the latest baseball game, let him or her. Be grateful that they are talking to you.
-- BE AVAILABLE! But don't be offended if you are not the one that is "chosen" to be the first, second, or even third confidant. After my husband and I dealt with the unexpected loss of our son the people I reached out to weren't the people you would expect. I reached out to a few members of the clergy (ok, so that one should be expected.) Next I reached out to a friend who was also pregnant at the time and who's baby just happened to be due 1 month before my son was supposed to be. This friend just happened to be a social worker. I just needed some sense of "normalcy" while knowing I wasn't going to be interrogated. I also wanted to know about some counseling resources. After a while I reached out to a friend who just happened to be pregnant also, and who's daughter was supposed to be born within a day of my son (they practically shared the same due date). She was (and still is) a dear friend who was pregnant with her third child, never has/had lost a child, but is one of the best prayer warriors I have ever met. I still required some sense of normalcy and hope that things could be better. If you notice - I reached out to men who have no clue what is like to be a parent, but are good listeners - I reached out to two women who know what is like to be a parent, but no clue what it is like to lose a child, but they are good listeners. It wasn't the overbearing people who kept badgering me who I talked to first. I wasn't ready for all their questions so I kept them at arm's length. It was the gentle ones who listened who helped me through the tough times. I did talk with family members about it, but much later. It wasn't until months later that I reached out to fellow mothers who had lost children. All in due time.
-- "Is there anything I can do for you?" The answer is generally "NO". Their world has been rocked to the core and nothing will change this. Offering to help, even if it is just to cook a meal is about all we really can do. Offer once and let them be. Your offer has been noted and will be taken up on IF the mom or dad needs your assistance.
-- PRAY FOR THEM! They don't have to know you are doing it. Prayers are always welcome and probably do the most help.
YELLOW LIGHT (Depending on who you are and who the parent is and the relationship you have toward each other)
-- Calling the parents. I said earlier that you should leave them be - and you should. But you can call once - not once a day, not once an hour - ONCE. Don't be offended if they don't answer. You can call to tell them you are available to listen or do something for them. Let the ball be in their court. This action should be reserved for people VERY close to the the couple. If you think you MIGHT be in this inner circle then you probably are not. You need to KNOW that they would want to hear from you before they are ready to reach out to you. Writing an email or letter might even be better. That way they can read it when they are ready without feeling flooded and bombarded.
RED LIGHT (These should go without saying, but people are dumb. They should never be done or said. If I find you ever say or do them I WILL hunt you down like a starving lion and verbally rip you limb from limb)
-- "It's ok. You can have another kid." WHAT?!?! This mom or dad has just had a child die. This isn't a puppy or kitten. IT IS A HUMAN. It is genetically HALF of him or her. There were hopes and dreams that were wrapped up in the excitement of a new life - THIS NEW LIFE! Not some future life. THIS LIFE. It took my husband and I awhile to become pregnant and there were so many hopes and dreams wrapped in this little new life. We didn't know if we would ever be able to have another.
-- Asking when the mom or dad might try again for another child. This is similar to the previous one, but slightly different. You are acknowledging the loss and looking towards the future yes. What you are forgetting is that this parent may (and probably still is) grieving the loss of the child. I talked to a mother who has dealt with the loss of her son, but still openly grieves the loss over 20 years later. There really are things you NEVER get over.
-- "You failed at becoming a parent." I can't make this up. Someone actually told me I failed at becoming a mother because I lost my baby. I didn't fail. God placed a baby in my belly. He also called the baby back to Himself before my dear son took a breath. It wasn't my fault. I did nothing to cause it. I am a mother to my son and always will be. I am not a failure and any mom who loses a baby through no fault of her own isn't either. God has a plan for all His children - we just often don't know what it is.
So in conclusion all I am asking is that you:
1. Think before speaking
2. Take your cues from the grieving parents. If they want space, give them space. If they want to talk, talk to them. You never know what will help someone grieve and what helps may change minute to minute.
3. Pray for healing, understanding and comfort.
GREEN LIGHT (You can say or do these things without risking offending the grieving parents)
-- GIVE THEM SPACE!!!! This seems counter-intuitive. When an adult dies we rally around the grieving family, hug, and tell stories about the person who has passed. But when a parent loses a child so young there are no stories to be told. This unexpected loss leaves everyone asking "WHY?" "WHAT?" "WHERE?" Why did this happen? What exactly happened? Where do we go from here? All these questions have limited to no answered. The parents need time to process this in their own way. This processing can't be done when everyone is calling, texting, trying to get a hold and by extension smother them. The mom and dad of the lost infant need time to spend with each other and grieve before they can face the world and grieve with extended family members. That is not to say they don't love their extended family, but the moment the vow of two becoming one flesh in marriage, the parents of the these new (grieving) parents and siblings become EXTENDED family, not immediate family. A new family is created in marriage, and while this is generally celebrated, when a child is lost, this is the first thing that is forgotten. Even if you are the mom, sister, grandmother, you are not entitled to the inner circle. Get over yourself - they are in more pain than you are. They will reach out when they are ready. Especially if they request time to process what is going on, GIVE THEM SPACE!
-- LISTEN!!! When the mom or dad does reach out to you don't talk. JUST LISTEN. Let him or her guide the conversation. Don't ask an excessive amount of questions. Scratch that, don't ask any questions. Ok, maybe one or two, but none about what happened - at least not in the first year. The wounds are still very fresh and you can't imagine how much pain it causes. Trust me, he or she will open up when he or she is ready. One day it will be like word vomit. The first time details are told it will be a raw explosion of emotions and tears. If the parent wants to talk about the latest baseball game, let him or her. Be grateful that they are talking to you.
-- BE AVAILABLE! But don't be offended if you are not the one that is "chosen" to be the first, second, or even third confidant. After my husband and I dealt with the unexpected loss of our son the people I reached out to weren't the people you would expect. I reached out to a few members of the clergy (ok, so that one should be expected.) Next I reached out to a friend who was also pregnant at the time and who's baby just happened to be due 1 month before my son was supposed to be. This friend just happened to be a social worker. I just needed some sense of "normalcy" while knowing I wasn't going to be interrogated. I also wanted to know about some counseling resources. After a while I reached out to a friend who just happened to be pregnant also, and who's daughter was supposed to be born within a day of my son (they practically shared the same due date). She was (and still is) a dear friend who was pregnant with her third child, never has/had lost a child, but is one of the best prayer warriors I have ever met. I still required some sense of normalcy and hope that things could be better. If you notice - I reached out to men who have no clue what is like to be a parent, but are good listeners - I reached out to two women who know what is like to be a parent, but no clue what it is like to lose a child, but they are good listeners. It wasn't the overbearing people who kept badgering me who I talked to first. I wasn't ready for all their questions so I kept them at arm's length. It was the gentle ones who listened who helped me through the tough times. I did talk with family members about it, but much later. It wasn't until months later that I reached out to fellow mothers who had lost children. All in due time.
-- "Is there anything I can do for you?" The answer is generally "NO". Their world has been rocked to the core and nothing will change this. Offering to help, even if it is just to cook a meal is about all we really can do. Offer once and let them be. Your offer has been noted and will be taken up on IF the mom or dad needs your assistance.
-- PRAY FOR THEM! They don't have to know you are doing it. Prayers are always welcome and probably do the most help.
YELLOW LIGHT (Depending on who you are and who the parent is and the relationship you have toward each other)
-- Calling the parents. I said earlier that you should leave them be - and you should. But you can call once - not once a day, not once an hour - ONCE. Don't be offended if they don't answer. You can call to tell them you are available to listen or do something for them. Let the ball be in their court. This action should be reserved for people VERY close to the the couple. If you think you MIGHT be in this inner circle then you probably are not. You need to KNOW that they would want to hear from you before they are ready to reach out to you. Writing an email or letter might even be better. That way they can read it when they are ready without feeling flooded and bombarded.
RED LIGHT (These should go without saying, but people are dumb. They should never be done or said. If I find you ever say or do them I WILL hunt you down like a starving lion and verbally rip you limb from limb)
-- "It's ok. You can have another kid." WHAT?!?! This mom or dad has just had a child die. This isn't a puppy or kitten. IT IS A HUMAN. It is genetically HALF of him or her. There were hopes and dreams that were wrapped up in the excitement of a new life - THIS NEW LIFE! Not some future life. THIS LIFE. It took my husband and I awhile to become pregnant and there were so many hopes and dreams wrapped in this little new life. We didn't know if we would ever be able to have another.
-- Asking when the mom or dad might try again for another child. This is similar to the previous one, but slightly different. You are acknowledging the loss and looking towards the future yes. What you are forgetting is that this parent may (and probably still is) grieving the loss of the child. I talked to a mother who has dealt with the loss of her son, but still openly grieves the loss over 20 years later. There really are things you NEVER get over.
-- "You failed at becoming a parent." I can't make this up. Someone actually told me I failed at becoming a mother because I lost my baby. I didn't fail. God placed a baby in my belly. He also called the baby back to Himself before my dear son took a breath. It wasn't my fault. I did nothing to cause it. I am a mother to my son and always will be. I am not a failure and any mom who loses a baby through no fault of her own isn't either. God has a plan for all His children - we just often don't know what it is.
So in conclusion all I am asking is that you:
1. Think before speaking
2. Take your cues from the grieving parents. If they want space, give them space. If they want to talk, talk to them. You never know what will help someone grieve and what helps may change minute to minute.
3. Pray for healing, understanding and comfort.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
You get what breed
First let me say, I am not perfect. I make mistakes ... usually multiple times a day. But something has been bugging me a lot lately and has made me reflect on myself and how I am as a mother. I know two different moms that have out of control children, and I believe that they set themselves up for a tough situation.
Both moms routinely call their kids negative names (not curse words), but names like "Devil boy", "Little Monster", "P.I.T.A" - ok, so the last one is curse words. (Pain in the a$$ in case you didn't know that one) I asked both moms why they do this and they said that their boys are out of control and don't listen. Even when I pointed out that they have become what their moms expect of them, both said "oh just wait, your daughter will become just as bad."
Well I hope not. I think that by POSITIVELY reinforcing children they can be well adjusted. Now, that is not to say I don't call my daughter names that are not on her birth certificate. But lets look at some of these:
Little Miss Bedhead - This seems odd, but for someone with as short of hair as she has, she can root around enough when she is asleep to create some amazingly difficult bedhead to deal with. I sometimes take pictures of it to showcase her ability!
Miss Sassy Pants - She is not lacking in personality. Actually she is one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. And I am not the only one that thinks this. With all this personality comes sassiness. It is who she is. She crinkles her nose and snorts, moves her face to right in front of yours to get your attention then giggles, things like this. She knows how to get a smile and does her little tricks to get the smile or laugh she wants.
Stinkerpants - This may seem negative, until you realize I call her this when she has a LOADED diaper. Everyone poops - it is a natural process. It isn't a degraded thing I say 24/7... and it is said jokingly. Whenever I am calling her this, she is giggling... it almost like she lies in wait for me to discover the surprise she has for me then giggles when I tease her about it.
And of course there are the uplifting ones:
Angel - She is our little gift from God.
Sweetie - Again, happy baby. Sweet hearted kid
Pumpkin - She was born in October. I looked like I had swallowed the Great Pumpkin when I was about to deliver her. She has been my little pumpkin since before she was born.
Cuddlebug - My little angel loves to snuggle. I think if she could get someone to carry her everywhere she might allow it to happen... that is until she wants to get down and play.
So my hope is that my positive reinforcement of my daughter leads to more angelic than demonic behavior. Don't get me wrong, my daughter isn't all sugar and spice all the time, but she is more sweet than bitter!
Both moms routinely call their kids negative names (not curse words), but names like "Devil boy", "Little Monster", "P.I.T.A" - ok, so the last one is curse words. (Pain in the a$$ in case you didn't know that one) I asked both moms why they do this and they said that their boys are out of control and don't listen. Even when I pointed out that they have become what their moms expect of them, both said "oh just wait, your daughter will become just as bad."
Well I hope not. I think that by POSITIVELY reinforcing children they can be well adjusted. Now, that is not to say I don't call my daughter names that are not on her birth certificate. But lets look at some of these:
Little Miss Bedhead - This seems odd, but for someone with as short of hair as she has, she can root around enough when she is asleep to create some amazingly difficult bedhead to deal with. I sometimes take pictures of it to showcase her ability!
Miss Sassy Pants - She is not lacking in personality. Actually she is one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. And I am not the only one that thinks this. With all this personality comes sassiness. It is who she is. She crinkles her nose and snorts, moves her face to right in front of yours to get your attention then giggles, things like this. She knows how to get a smile and does her little tricks to get the smile or laugh she wants.
Stinkerpants - This may seem negative, until you realize I call her this when she has a LOADED diaper. Everyone poops - it is a natural process. It isn't a degraded thing I say 24/7... and it is said jokingly. Whenever I am calling her this, she is giggling... it almost like she lies in wait for me to discover the surprise she has for me then giggles when I tease her about it.
And of course there are the uplifting ones:
Angel - She is our little gift from God.
Sweetie - Again, happy baby. Sweet hearted kid
Pumpkin - She was born in October. I looked like I had swallowed the Great Pumpkin when I was about to deliver her. She has been my little pumpkin since before she was born.
Cuddlebug - My little angel loves to snuggle. I think if she could get someone to carry her everywhere she might allow it to happen... that is until she wants to get down and play.
So my hope is that my positive reinforcement of my daughter leads to more angelic than demonic behavior. Don't get me wrong, my daughter isn't all sugar and spice all the time, but she is more sweet than bitter!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Two simple words make all the difference...
Yes, I am going to talk about the two hardest words any person needs to utter.... "I'm sorry." Apparently people have forgotten how to say them!
Today the little lady and I went to the grocery store (not as easy when the one you are with is squirmy and wants to climb out of the cart....but I digress)... As I was getting her out of the car out of the corner of my eye I saw a large teenager who just happened to be Hispanic.... he was running towards me/my car and screaming. Well his intended target was his friend in the car next to us. He wanted to spook her, but instead he nearly made me pee myself. I almost dropped my daughter I was so frightened. Instead I kinda squeezed her a little harder than I intended and turned my back to him. When he started laughing at scaring his friend I turned around and in my very angry mommy voice screamed at him, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
His lame response: "What, I thought you saw me."
Me: "I saw you after you scared the life out of me. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking? Did you not see me getting an infant out of the back of a car? Do you realize I almost dropped her? You need to be aware of your surroundings!"
Him: "Lady, chillax (I HATE THAT WORD! YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST RUN YOUR NAILS DOWN THE CHALK BOARD NOW!) I was just playing a harmless joke." Then he walked away from me leaving me very very upset.
So what did I do? Well since this young inconsiderate individual works at the store (yes, he did this in his work uniform), I decided to do what any good mom would do.... I tattled. It didn't hurt that the assistant manager was one of the first people I saw when I walked in the store. So I told him what his employee was doing (on property and in uniform no less), how upset it made me, and how unprofessional I found it to be. His response, "I will talk to him."
At no point did either of these gentlemen say they were sorry. The guy who scared the crap out of me and my daughter thought it was funny (but what do you expect from a teenager, right?). The manager (who I thought might understand my point because he was about my parent's age) didn't even seem all that concerned about it. I highly doubt anything is done about this. But I bet, had I actually dropped my daughter and I threatened a law suit there would be loads of people appologizing for the stupidity of one.... or maybe not....
Glad I didn't have to find out.
Today the little lady and I went to the grocery store (not as easy when the one you are with is squirmy and wants to climb out of the cart....but I digress)... As I was getting her out of the car out of the corner of my eye I saw a large teenager who just happened to be Hispanic.... he was running towards me/my car and screaming. Well his intended target was his friend in the car next to us. He wanted to spook her, but instead he nearly made me pee myself. I almost dropped my daughter I was so frightened. Instead I kinda squeezed her a little harder than I intended and turned my back to him. When he started laughing at scaring his friend I turned around and in my very angry mommy voice screamed at him, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
His lame response: "What, I thought you saw me."
Me: "I saw you after you scared the life out of me. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking? Did you not see me getting an infant out of the back of a car? Do you realize I almost dropped her? You need to be aware of your surroundings!"
Him: "Lady, chillax (I HATE THAT WORD! YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST RUN YOUR NAILS DOWN THE CHALK BOARD NOW!) I was just playing a harmless joke." Then he walked away from me leaving me very very upset.
So what did I do? Well since this young inconsiderate individual works at the store (yes, he did this in his work uniform), I decided to do what any good mom would do.... I tattled. It didn't hurt that the assistant manager was one of the first people I saw when I walked in the store. So I told him what his employee was doing (on property and in uniform no less), how upset it made me, and how unprofessional I found it to be. His response, "I will talk to him."
At no point did either of these gentlemen say they were sorry. The guy who scared the crap out of me and my daughter thought it was funny (but what do you expect from a teenager, right?). The manager (who I thought might understand my point because he was about my parent's age) didn't even seem all that concerned about it. I highly doubt anything is done about this. But I bet, had I actually dropped my daughter and I threatened a law suit there would be loads of people appologizing for the stupidity of one.... or maybe not....
Glad I didn't have to find out.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
What's wrong with the world
I have been hearing that my generation has gone to hell in a hand basket. (I guess I should say I am in my late 20s, my parents in their 50s and grandparents in their 70s). Supposedly we are spoiled, rude, and don't appreciate what we have. Also we are supposedly so self absorbed that we are stuck in the birth control/abortion mentality that our elders worry for the generations to come.
Well why I won't deny that many in my generation are like this, I maintain that this is learned behavior and it goes beyond our parents problem. Why do I blame those in the 60s (yes, half way between my grandparents and parents' age)? Well let me tell you:
I have been noticing how people treat my daughter and I when my husband is not around. Since I look like I am in high school, often times I can appear as a teenage mother. While I know that it has been over 10 years since I was a teenager (oh sweet merciful Jesus I feel old), I do realize that I was a teenage mother when the 70+ year olds were, I would have been sent off to some home or sheltered away with some random family member until the baby was born then adopted. I would have then returned home after a miraculously amazing vacation and no one would ask questions. All this is besides the point, because these men and women of this generation are the nicest to my daughter and me. They are always willing to make funny faces at her. She LOVES them. I never hear anything negative about being a parent from these men and women.
Well if you move on to those in their 60s you would think aliens had invaded the world and exchanged the brains of that generation with crazy-town brains. I blame the "free-lovin" and Roe v. Wade infection. What have both men and women said about me, my daughter, or both of us together that makes me think we live in a world of "Men in Black"? (and my responses)
"She's cute. It is too bad your birth control failed." (Yeah, she was and still is very much wanted and loved and I never took birth control)
"Why would you ever want to ruin your life for at least the next 18 years?" (My life isn't ruined, it is improved. She makes me love waking up each day to see what she can manage to do to make me giggle and love her even more)
"You are throwing your potential away." (No, I am living out a greater calling)
"Why would you want another kid? They are expensive. One is more than enough." (Umm.. as long as God is willing to grant us another kid, we are willing to be the best parents we can be. We say bring on the fun! Plus, our daughter needs someone to fight with.)
And these are just a few of the ones I could come up with off the top of my head. Oh, and not to mention the crabby lady at church who feels the need to scowl at my precious daughter. It is not my dear daughter's fault you can't see the face of God in a happy child who just wants to play peek-a-boo with you. She was not being loud, nor destructive, and was barely being distracting. Had you smiled at her, she would have moved on to her next object of attention.
There is a silver lining to my rant. I am noticing a return to common sense for our generation and those younger. There seems to be a growing appreciation for the respect for life movement. Maybe it is because we are young and haven't been completely sucked into the culture (for the record I don't believe this one), or it is that we have noticed what our parents did, realized it didn't work and want to return to a better time in history. Either way, as soon as people learn to realize that babies are a blessing, not a burden, the world will be made a better place.
Well why I won't deny that many in my generation are like this, I maintain that this is learned behavior and it goes beyond our parents problem. Why do I blame those in the 60s (yes, half way between my grandparents and parents' age)? Well let me tell you:
I have been noticing how people treat my daughter and I when my husband is not around. Since I look like I am in high school, often times I can appear as a teenage mother. While I know that it has been over 10 years since I was a teenager (oh sweet merciful Jesus I feel old), I do realize that I was a teenage mother when the 70+ year olds were, I would have been sent off to some home or sheltered away with some random family member until the baby was born then adopted. I would have then returned home after a miraculously amazing vacation and no one would ask questions. All this is besides the point, because these men and women of this generation are the nicest to my daughter and me. They are always willing to make funny faces at her. She LOVES them. I never hear anything negative about being a parent from these men and women.
Well if you move on to those in their 60s you would think aliens had invaded the world and exchanged the brains of that generation with crazy-town brains. I blame the "free-lovin" and Roe v. Wade infection. What have both men and women said about me, my daughter, or both of us together that makes me think we live in a world of "Men in Black"? (and my responses)
"She's cute. It is too bad your birth control failed." (Yeah, she was and still is very much wanted and loved and I never took birth control)
"Why would you ever want to ruin your life for at least the next 18 years?" (My life isn't ruined, it is improved. She makes me love waking up each day to see what she can manage to do to make me giggle and love her even more)
"You are throwing your potential away." (No, I am living out a greater calling)
"Why would you want another kid? They are expensive. One is more than enough." (Umm.. as long as God is willing to grant us another kid, we are willing to be the best parents we can be. We say bring on the fun! Plus, our daughter needs someone to fight with.)
And these are just a few of the ones I could come up with off the top of my head. Oh, and not to mention the crabby lady at church who feels the need to scowl at my precious daughter. It is not my dear daughter's fault you can't see the face of God in a happy child who just wants to play peek-a-boo with you. She was not being loud, nor destructive, and was barely being distracting. Had you smiled at her, she would have moved on to her next object of attention.
There is a silver lining to my rant. I am noticing a return to common sense for our generation and those younger. There seems to be a growing appreciation for the respect for life movement. Maybe it is because we are young and haven't been completely sucked into the culture (for the record I don't believe this one), or it is that we have noticed what our parents did, realized it didn't work and want to return to a better time in history. Either way, as soon as people learn to realize that babies are a blessing, not a burden, the world will be made a better place.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Promises to my child
Who knew that having a child of my own would make me extra-aware of others parenting styles. (Doesn't it happen to every mother?) So here are my promises to my child based on the observations of others.
1. You will know you are loved. I will tell you at least once a day that I love you. I will do my best to show you as much (or more) affection as you need to know it. I don't want you questioning if you are loved - EVER.
2. You will know the meaning of the word, "No." I will not be afraid to use this word when it is needed.
3. You will not get everything that you want. But I will do my best to make sure you have everything you NEED. And you will know the difference between wants and needs.
4. You will know how to act in public. I will teach you what is appropriate and what is not. If you have difficulty with this concept - I am not afraid to leave whatever public venue we are at.
5. I will do my best to praise you in public and private and correct you as privately as possible. Now if your behavior warrants it, you will be corrected in public as well.
6. You will know the Benedictine teaching of moderation and utilize it in your life.
7. You will dress modestly as long as you live in my house. (and hopefully after)
8. You will know the importance of your faith.
9. I am always here to listen to your stories, concerns, and to kiss your boo-boos (real and imagined)
10. You will know the importance of personal hygiene. I will make sure you don't smell bad and look like you have bathed recently. Now if you come home covered in mud after playing hard with siblings or fishing with your daddy, I reserve the right to hose you off before letting you come inside to bathe.
1. You will know you are loved. I will tell you at least once a day that I love you. I will do my best to show you as much (or more) affection as you need to know it. I don't want you questioning if you are loved - EVER.
2. You will know the meaning of the word, "No." I will not be afraid to use this word when it is needed.
3. You will not get everything that you want. But I will do my best to make sure you have everything you NEED. And you will know the difference between wants and needs.
4. You will know how to act in public. I will teach you what is appropriate and what is not. If you have difficulty with this concept - I am not afraid to leave whatever public venue we are at.
5. I will do my best to praise you in public and private and correct you as privately as possible. Now if your behavior warrants it, you will be corrected in public as well.
6. You will know the Benedictine teaching of moderation and utilize it in your life.
7. You will dress modestly as long as you live in my house. (and hopefully after)
8. You will know the importance of your faith.
9. I am always here to listen to your stories, concerns, and to kiss your boo-boos (real and imagined)
10. You will know the importance of personal hygiene. I will make sure you don't smell bad and look like you have bathed recently. Now if you come home covered in mud after playing hard with siblings or fishing with your daddy, I reserve the right to hose you off before letting you come inside to bathe.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tag - You're It
There are few things that adequately describe my child's behavior - but this is the best I can come up with - Energizer Snow Angel on Pixie Sticks. (If this doesn't make sense, imagine the energizer bunny making snow angel motions mixed with what happens when you give a small child pixie sticks - oh the sugar high) She has 2 speeds - ON and OFF. Lately she has taken this to a new level. She has been getting up a couple times in the middle of the night and usually wants changed, fed, and to PLAY. Her favorite games lately have been bouncing on one of us, playing drums on anything that makes noise, and tickling. I get the job of taking care of her during the night since I am more of a night person and my husband has to get up early for work. But let me tell you.... this gets exhausting since she is awake for 2-3 hours, sleeps for 2-3 hours, and repeat. What happened to my good sleeper? I don't get it!
Monday, June 18, 2012
What the hey?!?!
We had an very unexpected visitor this morning. I mean VERY UNEXPECTED!
So the baby and I were cuddling in bed trying to take our morning nap and I felt something funny on the bed, so I opened my eyes to see a cat staring at me. WE DON'T OWN A CAT! I thought maybe I was dreaming, but it meowed at me. I realized I wasn't dreaming! How long has this thing been in our house? Where all has it been? Has it left it's mark somewhere in our house? All things I guess I get to try to figure out! I thought I heard something funny last night but didn't think much of it because I was attempting to go to sleep. I guess I should have investigated then! Yet, I probably wouldn't have seen it since it was a dark grey color and I wouldn't have wanted to turn on lights.
Well kitty was rounded up and tossed outside. I washed my hands and headed back to bed. The baby - yeah, she slept through it all. She was completely unaffected by it.
I really don't know if I will fall asleep at all today after this little run in. I am still shaking my head!
So the baby and I were cuddling in bed trying to take our morning nap and I felt something funny on the bed, so I opened my eyes to see a cat staring at me. WE DON'T OWN A CAT! I thought maybe I was dreaming, but it meowed at me. I realized I wasn't dreaming! How long has this thing been in our house? Where all has it been? Has it left it's mark somewhere in our house? All things I guess I get to try to figure out! I thought I heard something funny last night but didn't think much of it because I was attempting to go to sleep. I guess I should have investigated then! Yet, I probably wouldn't have seen it since it was a dark grey color and I wouldn't have wanted to turn on lights.
Well kitty was rounded up and tossed outside. I washed my hands and headed back to bed. The baby - yeah, she slept through it all. She was completely unaffected by it.
I really don't know if I will fall asleep at all today after this little run in. I am still shaking my head!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Detoxing a baby
It's not what you think - I PROMISE!
So every time we go visit family our child gets very accustomed to being the center of attention. Since everyone loves her so much, she gets loads of attention. This is great. She becomes this social butterfly. Then we have to come home...... and OH NO!!!!! She expects all the attention and there are not enough people at our house to give it to her. She has to detox!! She becomes very sad and melancholy!
Here is a good example. We went to my sister's place for three days. My sister used my child as a human medicine ball (throwing her up in the air), carried her around, showed her off, made funny noises, and generally was a baby's ideal play buddy. You could not have made a baby much happier! Then we had to come home :( She has been trying to bounce like her medicine ball exercises she was doing with my sister. My arms hurt. I tried to put her down.... she whined. It will take 2-3 days for her to stop expecting my sister to come around the corner and play with her.
I would not trade seeing my sister for the detoxification that I have to deal with.
So every time we go visit family our child gets very accustomed to being the center of attention. Since everyone loves her so much, she gets loads of attention. This is great. She becomes this social butterfly. Then we have to come home...... and OH NO!!!!! She expects all the attention and there are not enough people at our house to give it to her. She has to detox!! She becomes very sad and melancholy!
Here is a good example. We went to my sister's place for three days. My sister used my child as a human medicine ball (throwing her up in the air), carried her around, showed her off, made funny noises, and generally was a baby's ideal play buddy. You could not have made a baby much happier! Then we had to come home :( She has been trying to bounce like her medicine ball exercises she was doing with my sister. My arms hurt. I tried to put her down.... she whined. It will take 2-3 days for her to stop expecting my sister to come around the corner and play with her.
I would not trade seeing my sister for the detoxification that I have to deal with.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
A "Great" Way to Start the Day!
There are some days when you know, "it can only get better from here, right?" I am having one of THOSE days - and it is only 10 am!
So I woke up a little after 8am to my daughter whimpering. She was wet and hungry. Ok, this is a daily thing, no biggie! So I give her the binky, go toss the dirty diapers in the washing machine, and start it, and go pump. (She refuses to latch properly and we have found that she is perfectly content with refusing to learn so that she can get her milk in the bottle - soooo much easier to eat from a bottle than from mom! Grrr) Thus far, it is no different than any other day. So I get her bottle all ready to go and change her. (She also will not eat if her pants are dirty!) As I am changing her my phone rings (of course, because it has to ring when I am busy!) and the number comes up 000-0000 on the caller ID (blocked number), so I don't think much of it, let it go to voice mail and continue on. I put the diaper in it's pail, wash my hands, grab my daughter, the bottle, and my phone and sit on the edge of the bed to feed her. She was pretty hungry and sucking the bottle down pretty quickly, so I thought, well lets see who called me and left a voice message. So I call my voice mailbox, type in my code and hear, "Hello, this is Officer ______ from the sheriff's department." At this moment the thought crosses my mind, I am the ICE (in case of emergency) contact for 2 people for sure - my mom and my husband. I know this because I am the one that set up both phones. I let the bottle slip just a little and it hits the back of my poor daughter's very sensitive throat. "One of our officers has found your (insert make and model of the car my husband drives) abandoned. Please call us back if you get this message in the next 10-15 minutes." It had been about that amount of time already. As she is finishing up her message, my daughter has finished vomiting all over both of us. I am not talking just a little spit up. No, I am talking covered both her and I from neck down, coming out of her mouth and nose vomit. There was not a dry article of clothing between the two of us. My shirt, bra, pj pants, and even underwear were soaked. You could have ringed out her little sleeper it was that wet. GREAT!! So at this moment I know a few things:
1. The baby is getting a bath.
2. My husband is not a small man and he knows how to fight. His work has even used him as a fill in "bouncer" on occasion. No one in their right mind would intentionally pick a fight with him for no reason.
3. My husband is out fishing. He had talked about trying out a new location last week. He probably unknowingly parked where he shouldn't have.
4. My husband does not drive a car that most thieves would consider worthy of their time and energy to steal - especially during daylight hours.
5. My husband has a bad habit of being bad at cell phone usage. He will let the battery go dead. He will leave it in odd places. He will forget to change the ringer from silent to sound.
All these factors and my heart still skipped a beat and then rapidly sped up. So I listened to the message again to get the number and called the dispatcher back. She puts me on hold and comes back on the line and says, "Oh, one of our officers has made contact with your husband. He was out fishing. Have a nice day." CLICK. Thank you for telling me something I already knew. So I strip the baby down to her birthday suit and run the bath water. I know there is not going to be a lot of hot water because the washing machine is almost completely finished, but the little floating turtle says that the temperature is acceptable for baby bathing and she reeks of vomit. So she gets cleaned up and a little play time in the water (her favorite thing to do). I get her diapered and dressed and she was falling asleep, so I laid her back in bed. So I jump in the shower - only to discover I get to take a tepid-cold shower. Yeah! Go ME!
So, how was your morning?
So I woke up a little after 8am to my daughter whimpering. She was wet and hungry. Ok, this is a daily thing, no biggie! So I give her the binky, go toss the dirty diapers in the washing machine, and start it, and go pump. (She refuses to latch properly and we have found that she is perfectly content with refusing to learn so that she can get her milk in the bottle - soooo much easier to eat from a bottle than from mom! Grrr) Thus far, it is no different than any other day. So I get her bottle all ready to go and change her. (She also will not eat if her pants are dirty!) As I am changing her my phone rings (of course, because it has to ring when I am busy!) and the number comes up 000-0000 on the caller ID (blocked number), so I don't think much of it, let it go to voice mail and continue on. I put the diaper in it's pail, wash my hands, grab my daughter, the bottle, and my phone and sit on the edge of the bed to feed her. She was pretty hungry and sucking the bottle down pretty quickly, so I thought, well lets see who called me and left a voice message. So I call my voice mailbox, type in my code and hear, "Hello, this is Officer ______ from the sheriff's department." At this moment the thought crosses my mind, I am the ICE (in case of emergency) contact for 2 people for sure - my mom and my husband. I know this because I am the one that set up both phones. I let the bottle slip just a little and it hits the back of my poor daughter's very sensitive throat. "One of our officers has found your (insert make and model of the car my husband drives) abandoned. Please call us back if you get this message in the next 10-15 minutes." It had been about that amount of time already. As she is finishing up her message, my daughter has finished vomiting all over both of us. I am not talking just a little spit up. No, I am talking covered both her and I from neck down, coming out of her mouth and nose vomit. There was not a dry article of clothing between the two of us. My shirt, bra, pj pants, and even underwear were soaked. You could have ringed out her little sleeper it was that wet. GREAT!! So at this moment I know a few things:
1. The baby is getting a bath.
2. My husband is not a small man and he knows how to fight. His work has even used him as a fill in "bouncer" on occasion. No one in their right mind would intentionally pick a fight with him for no reason.
3. My husband is out fishing. He had talked about trying out a new location last week. He probably unknowingly parked where he shouldn't have.
4. My husband does not drive a car that most thieves would consider worthy of their time and energy to steal - especially during daylight hours.
5. My husband has a bad habit of being bad at cell phone usage. He will let the battery go dead. He will leave it in odd places. He will forget to change the ringer from silent to sound.
All these factors and my heart still skipped a beat and then rapidly sped up. So I listened to the message again to get the number and called the dispatcher back. She puts me on hold and comes back on the line and says, "Oh, one of our officers has made contact with your husband. He was out fishing. Have a nice day." CLICK. Thank you for telling me something I already knew. So I strip the baby down to her birthday suit and run the bath water. I know there is not going to be a lot of hot water because the washing machine is almost completely finished, but the little floating turtle says that the temperature is acceptable for baby bathing and she reeks of vomit. So she gets cleaned up and a little play time in the water (her favorite thing to do). I get her diapered and dressed and she was falling asleep, so I laid her back in bed. So I jump in the shower - only to discover I get to take a tepid-cold shower. Yeah! Go ME!
So, how was your morning?
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Sad Commentary on Society
So last week (Friday) I went to church with my daughter for Stations of the Cross. After the service I was talking to priest and a lady stepped between us and said to me, "Thank you for not aborting your child." Well I looked over her shoulder to see the look on Fr.'s face - it was one of shock and awe and I think there might have been a twinkle of "how is she going to handle this one..." (he is a little ornery sometimes). Well I looked back at her and as gently and kindly as I could muster while being as shocked as possible, I responded by saying, "While she was a little bit of a surprise, she is and was very much wanted and loved. My husband and I are truly blessed to have her." To which Fr.'s face turned to one of awe and love (and there might have been a little bit of a tear forming since he was aware of our struggles with carrying a baby to full term). She mumbled something about thinking I was a teenage mom because I looked so young. I told her my age. She didn't believe me. Fr. reassured her that I was in fact at least as old as I claimed (he tried to add a year or so onto my age!)
So...fast forward a week to last night. I took my daughter to Saturday evening mass because I had to work Saturday night and didn't really feel like getting up a couple hours after I had got home from work to attempt to be functional during mass. My husband was at work and had just got off work as I was leaving the house and he was in no condition to go to mass with me (really tired, kinda stinky, etc), so again I went to church without him (he'll go in the morning when he is good and rested)... THE SAME LADY comes up to me after mass and tells me how cute my daughter is (yeah, I know but it is nice to hear, and I thanked her). The she proceeds to tell me about her son and how she doesn't have any grand-kids. I think I mumbled something about how unfortunate that is (I am trying to hit the door so I can drop my daughter off at home to play with her dad and so I can get to work on time). Then she proceeds to attempt to set me up with him. I reminded her that I am married and have been for almost six years and that this child that she was admiring is in fact his. Oh yeah, and her son is 52 years old. I am 28!
So my reflections upon this:
1. It is sad that people seem to think that mothers need to be thanked for not aborting their kid. It should be a shock to the system that moms would consider killing their child, not the other way around. Kids are a blessing, not a burden!
2. I sometimes hate being so short. I get associated with teenagers a lot more often than I want to admit. While it has been about a year since I was given the kids' menu at a restaurant, I do have a "young" looking face and short stature! Grrr.......
3. Gee... lady.... last week you think I am a teenage mom. This week you think I look old enough to date your son who is my mom's age. Did I really look that bad at mass? I asked a co-worker if I looked that rough, and she said I looked the same as I usually do. (Then a few comments about my height and charming teenager looks were added for good measure!)
4. Maybe I need to go to church with my husband so this lady doesn't keep talking to me. I think she thinks he is a figment of my imagination. He is in fact very real and a great dad to our daughter! Back off lady, I am not interested in your son!
So...fast forward a week to last night. I took my daughter to Saturday evening mass because I had to work Saturday night and didn't really feel like getting up a couple hours after I had got home from work to attempt to be functional during mass. My husband was at work and had just got off work as I was leaving the house and he was in no condition to go to mass with me (really tired, kinda stinky, etc), so again I went to church without him (he'll go in the morning when he is good and rested)... THE SAME LADY comes up to me after mass and tells me how cute my daughter is (yeah, I know but it is nice to hear, and I thanked her). The she proceeds to tell me about her son and how she doesn't have any grand-kids. I think I mumbled something about how unfortunate that is (I am trying to hit the door so I can drop my daughter off at home to play with her dad and so I can get to work on time). Then she proceeds to attempt to set me up with him. I reminded her that I am married and have been for almost six years and that this child that she was admiring is in fact his. Oh yeah, and her son is 52 years old. I am 28!
So my reflections upon this:
1. It is sad that people seem to think that mothers need to be thanked for not aborting their kid. It should be a shock to the system that moms would consider killing their child, not the other way around. Kids are a blessing, not a burden!
2. I sometimes hate being so short. I get associated with teenagers a lot more often than I want to admit. While it has been about a year since I was given the kids' menu at a restaurant, I do have a "young" looking face and short stature! Grrr.......
3. Gee... lady.... last week you think I am a teenage mom. This week you think I look old enough to date your son who is my mom's age. Did I really look that bad at mass? I asked a co-worker if I looked that rough, and she said I looked the same as I usually do. (Then a few comments about my height and charming teenager looks were added for good measure!)
4. Maybe I need to go to church with my husband so this lady doesn't keep talking to me. I think she thinks he is a figment of my imagination. He is in fact very real and a great dad to our daughter! Back off lady, I am not interested in your son!
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